After much avoidance and guilt for not understanding why I was avoiding, I have realized that I do not want to do anything further with the first draft of my first novel. Why? Because it does not resonate with the story that I hear in my head or feel in my body. Not because the story isn’t interesting or the dialogue isn’t sharp enough, but rather it doesn’t sound or feel like what I really want to say. I was attempting to fictionalize a memoir and it just didn’t come out right; like a cake that doesn’t completely rise in the oven. You take it out, look and at and think to yourself, “Well crap. It’s not supposed to turn out like that.” I have absolutely no desire at this time to attempt a rewrite so this novel is going to be tucked away until some time in the future when I want to dust it off and form it into something I feel better about.
My plan is to write an entirely different story which is what I am going to do. I am taking everything I learned along the way and incorporating all that into the next novel. Keep going. Keep writing. Keep refining my craft until I have a finished product that sounds and reads exactly the way I imagined it would.
And that is my new plan. Wish me luck!